Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.
One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."
Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.
Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove
physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.
One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.
You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know."
All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand--once you explain--why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings, you set boundaries and voila!
Why parents sometimes feel threatened
A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.
Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"
Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.
"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."
For the record . . .
My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.
We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"
And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.
So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.
By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.
Know the "why" and know yourself
Spanking our children is hard--and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.
I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.
(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)
God bless you,
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