A Woman's View

To spank or not to spank, that is the question

Mention the word, "spanking," and people go ballistic.

One loving parent says, "I think spanking is barbaric!" Another, just as loving, says, "Sometimes spanking is the only way I can get their attention."

Surveys indicate a majority of young children in this country are spanked regularly.

Experts and professionals who show up on TV and write articles in magazines mostly rail against the evils of spanking. They often cite studies that seem to prove

physical punishment leads children to become more aggressive.

One "doctor mom" who writes in our local newspaper believes children should not be spanked. Period.

You and I read articles like this and think, Well, she ought to know." 

All parents need to do, she says, is practice positive reinforcement and validate the child's feelings. As an example she explains even 2-year olds can understand--once you explain--why they must not touch a hot stove. You listen, you allow them their feelings,  you set boundaries and voila! 

Why parents sometimes feel threatened

A mom told about taking her three rambunctious boys to McDonald's. They did what preschool boys always do. Jabbed and poked and teased in the waiting area and swung on the shiny railing.

Once they got settled in their booth, the boys started in again. Kicking under the table. Older brothers calling the youngest a baby" and him whimpering. Trying to gross each other out, which called for a collective, "Eww!"

Then she noticed everyone else in the place watching them and frowning, clearly disapproving.

"Rick wanted to settle them down with a little swat on their behinds. I really thought one of that crowd might report us to Child Protective Services, so we gathered up our food and kind of slinked out."

For the record . . .

My husband and I agreed spankings would be rare at our house and they were. Each of our four girls, however, got at least one.

We lived along a straight-shot country road with a dip in it, so drivers would not have seen a toddler in time to stop. With a roomy fenced yard, our kids had plenty of room to run. That's why every single day I warned them, "You must not go outside the yard! Do you understand me?"

And every one of them stole out of our yard at least once.

So I would swoop down on our pint-size adventurer and administer five or six swats right away. It wasn't anger that drove me, but fear for their lives. I had to be able to trust these little girls would stay in our roomy, well-fenced yard, even when I wasn't on hand.

By then we both would be crying. I would hug her and kiss her and not bring it up again.

Know the "why" and know yourself

Spanking our children is hard--and it should be, I think. And we need to be sure we're not just trying to show we're bigger and more powerful than our kids.

I know now that it was good we kept spankings rare in our family. Our girls got the message that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and family rules are meant to be kept.

(P.S. It's good to get that established early, while you're the tall one.)

God bless you,

 Comments?

 

Rediscovering the real treasure in life

Imagine my shock to discover the post I thought had published last week mysteriously disappeared instead--and I didn't catch it. Mea culpa, my friends. Hope you like this slightly revised reprint from November 8, 2008. Thank you for reading my blog!

"Did you ever study Ecclesiastes? So much of it seems written just for me."

I smiled at my friend. Her random question immediately transported me back to a weekend when our girls were growing up and I was drowning in child-rearing. That's when a few verses from Ecclesiastes became my life-line.

By any standard, our life was good. My husband and I dearly loved each other. No big problems, good health, four great kids. Any fool would be thankful, but right then, not this one.

I yearned for ... something, but I wasn't sure what.

One morning a newspaper announcement of a women's workshop called my name. "Wish I could go," I told my husband over lunch. "It's only an hour's drive from here and I'd love to have a break. But it starts tonight."

Then that terrific man I married (who wanted his wife back) surprised me, as he often does. "Go! The girls and I will be fine."

I hugged him and right away called the number listed. Yes, they had space. Hallelujah! I dressed and packed in a frenzy of anticipation. I only knew the speakers would be Christian women from a neighboring state.

Was I naive? Yes. Desperate for a breather? Yes!

A few hours later I waved goodbye to those beautiful ties that bound me with love. I drove off with a smile, giddy at the prospect of nobody calling, "Mommy!" for forty-eight hours.

At the hotel I walked into a large room full of women I did not know. Being anonymous suited me just fine. I just wanted to be in a safe, quiet place and maybe pick up something useful.

The conference theme was Ecclesiastes and five minutes into the first speaker's talk, I knew why I was there. That conviction deepened as the evening went on. 

Getting to the root of my discontent

For months I had been reading and hearing the same points everywhere I turned. I owed it to myself to "accomplish" something, so I could be fulfilled, they said.

Just being a wife and mother could never satisfy my deepest needs, they said, only waste my potential for greatness.

Certainly I should not be under the "domination" of the sweet, quiet man who loved me, they told me.

I hadn't consciously bought into these theories, yet they lodged insidiously within my mind and heart. Little by little, they painted my thinking in a wash of dull gray.

Learning from Solomon

This theme verse leaped out at me, especially because of the mindset I walked in with:

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind ...                                                                                   --Ecclesiastes 2:11

We focused on Chapter Two, where Solomon relates his goals and dreams, his great success and wealth, and the emptiness he felt. Our speaker asked a rhetorical question: Had we noticed anything like that around us?

Solomon's phrase drummed in my mind: "chasing after the wind."

We looked at life, marriage and the joy of piling up years together. 

Leaders also delved into how every day moms--and dads--help shape the next generation, planting faith and values that carry over. That presses lasting meaning and significance into every twenty-four hours.

Truth gently smacked me and woke me up, then moved in to stay. My life mattered, just as it was.

Everything from mopping up spills to mashing potatoes formed a tiny part of the mosaic of our family. Each day counted for more than I could guess.

Was this news to me? No. But thinking through those verses in Ecclesiastes replenished my spirit and reminded me what I already believed.

No longer would I look "out there" to set my standards and gauge my "fulfillment" by someone else's measuring stick. I drove home singing--and praying, impatient to hug my husband and daughters.

Nothing changed about my life but me ... and that changed everything.

Here's wishing you clear thinking and a fresh charge of joy every day as you journey on!

Lenore

Ever had one of these "a-ha moments?" Your comments welcomed!

Want to change your life? Change your thoughts

I know, I know, that sounds too simple. I wouldn't believe it, either, if I hadn't lived it.

You see, for years I lived by circumstances.

Too often my mood rested on factors such as whether I got up with a headache. Whether it was raining. Whether the baby wailed or my husband seemed anxious.

The typical stuff of every day could turn me depressed or grouchy in no time.

Times like that I wasn't much fun to live with.

Oh, I did apologize with my well-worn apology. It went like this, "Sorry, Hon, I can't help it. That's just the way I am."

Enter "The Worry Clinic"

Then our daily newspaper started running this syndicated column by Dr. George Crane. Three times a week I devoured every word, but in the beginning I carried on a running argument with him in my mind.

I checked Dr. Crane's New York Times obituary. He wrote that column for over sixty years, until shortly before he died in 1995, at age 94.

Dr. Crane, a trained psychologist and a physician, always described his advice as "old-fashioned horse sense."

Which it was, I suppose. I remember one of his oft-repeated statements word-for-word.

"Act the way you want to feel and soon you'll feel the way you act."

The first time I read that it made no sense, but it opened my mind a crack. He had a favorite theme, that what we feel stems from what we think.

Here's a loose translation of how Dr. Crane explained the process:

You can change your thoughts as deliberately as you change stations on your radios or channels on your television sets. Switching your mind to another frequency is just as easy. All it takes is some practice.

That bumped me up against an uncomfortable fact I didn't want to face. I kind of liked being able to justify myself with,"I can't help it. That's who I am."

First I was shocked. Then I prayed.

Time's a'wasting

I became aware how our children reflected my moods. Before there was one sometimes-mopey mom. Now four sometimes-mopey copycats lived in the same house.

No wonder I pounced on Dr. Crane's "horse sense."

He primed readers not to expect an overnight transformation. The captain of an ocean liner can't turn 180 degrees all at once, he said Neither could we.

But, he promised, we could turn one degree, 180 times.

Before I had prayed for God to change me, then waited for it to happen.

Now I understood my part of it was to act in faith. That is, I needed to pray and trust, yes, but then move ahead and act as if God already answered and changed me. As time went on these actions began to feel "natural."

After awhile I could see how small, incremental moves brought big benefits. Home became a happier place--for all of us.

Branching out from Dr. Crane

I read the Bible and underlined verses. I haunted the public library and brought home stacks of books on personal growth, marriage and parenting. I took notes when something "hit me and fit me," as a friend used to say

Older books, newer books, it didn't matter. I devised my own criteria.

1.) Did the principles in this book conflict with what I believed as a Christian or with my personal values? (If so I set it aside.)

2.) Did the author use jargon or explain concepts in plain English?

After years of reading and living, here's what I know is true

• It's not the circumstances of our lives that determine our mindset; what matters most happens between our ears.
  
• Our emotions do flow out of what we feed our minds, just as Dr. Crane said.
  
• We are not alone. The power to help us change is available. All we need to do is ask.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. --Psalm 29:11

Now, what do you think?

Blessings,

Lenore

Let's not settle for hearts and flowers and all the rest

February can be risky territory, especially for husbands.

Maybe it wouldn't be if it weren't for all the ads that run this time of year, all touting, "Show your Valentine you care!"

All a guy has to do, according to the advertisers, is buy what they're peddling. Flowers, diamonds, chocolate-dipped strawberries, sexy lingerie, even footed all-in-one pajamas--everything but Chia pets. It's advertising hype, pure and simple, but it plants the idea, at least in us women. 

I confess I wasted a few February 14ths because my sweet husband didn't show up with something. When that happened, he'd say, "Oh, Honey, I forgot. I'm sorry!" And he was.

I'd mouth the words, "That's okay," and paste on a phony smile, telling myself to grow up. 

Enter The Big Chill.

Living teaches a greater truth

Compared to the other 364 days of the year any Valentine's Day, anniversary or birthday settles into a more realistic perspective.

What matters most is how love plays out day-after-day.

*Love holds his extremely pregnant wife while she wails, "I'm huge! And I can't get any shoes on except flip-flops!" then replies, "I think you've never been more beautiful."

*Love eats his bride's latest kitchen experiment and pronounces the strange-looking mixture, "Delicious."

*Love says, "I'll take care of the kids over the weekend. You go to that conference with your friends. We'll be just fine."

*Love says, "No, no, no. You're the one who deserves a new coat. Mine's good for another winter."

*Love puts the coffee on because he knows she needs a cup to get going in the morning.

*Love overlooks bulges and mastectomy scars and her tendency to lose track of time.

*Love sees the girl he married even when she walks with a cane and sometimes doesn't even remember his name.

And vice versa.

Mutual loving kindness and consideration nourish a marriage, just as regular feed and water help a rosebush bloom and thrive.

An anytime checklist

Many of us are familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which often is spoken at weddings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs . . . It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails . . . And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

These verses provide a sort of plumb line, even though none of us can love this way day after day.

Let's rejoice in what is

I know now what matters more to me than celebrating Valentine's Day is the enduring love between my husband and me. I count that more precious than all the diamonds in South African mines.

When it comes to special days, I think we miss an amazing, humbling point. You and I hold the power to make every day a special day for the man we love--and ourselves. .

Maybe that sounds too simplistic, but it's true.

So let's Keep It Simple, Sweeties!

Lenore

Your comments welcomed!

Secrets of building a lifetime marriage

That sounds, well, a bit nervy, doesn't it?

Anniversaries do that to us, don't they? Make us look back and try to see deeper.

My husband has been my one-and-only love since he first smiled at me, way back when we both were young and stupid.

Back then we thought ourselves lucky--and blessed--to find each other. Now we realize how blessed we are to still have each other.

When we vowed to love each other for life we had no doubts. Sure, it helped that divorce was less common then, but it was more than that. We felt we had something special going between us. (Still do.) Later on we understood how that unquestioning mindset helped us through.

Inevitably, rough spots arise in every marriage. That's when our shared resolve that we both signed on for life served as a bridge to get us back to closeness.

Truths I've picked up over a lot of years

• It's not up to our husbands to make us happy.
  Despite the stuff of romance novels and movies, our happiness is up to us.
  
  
• We marry human beings, not fiction heroes.
  Their idea of "romance" and ours often (usually) are not the same. Chalk it up to differences in the way males and females think.
  
  
• Subtle hints almost never work. Guys don't do subtle.
  Being female we know how to sulk and do the silent treatment. This enables us to ruin any good day or great evening for both our partner and ourselves. I haven't found that much fun, have you?
  
  
• It's not fair to expect our husbands to make everything "right" in our lives.
  They are human beings, as limited in their capabilities as we are.
  
  
• Making our husbands feel good about who they are costs us nothing except thoughtfulness.
  Besides, isn't that what each of us wants for the man we love? (Quite often he'll reciprocate.)
  
  
• When our husbands totally focus on a problem or a project, it's not because they're shutting us out.
  Most men naturally compartmentalize their thinking. Most women can keep several plates spinning all the time. We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable qualities.
  
  
• Being opposites can be a good thing.
  Like most other couples, my husband and I sport individual strengths and weaknesses. I used to fret over that. Now I know we complete each other, so I actually appreciate those same traits.
  
  
• Mutual trust is like gold.
  Trust takes a long time to build and can be lost in an instant, so it's worth guarding. Affirming our husband's faithfulness and integrity from time to time seems a small thing, but our words can mean more than we know.
  
  
• Respect nourishes love.
  That means we resist the temptation to put each other down in front of others, even with "humor." If we want our kids to respect their father, we need to watch how we speak of him--and to him. Save complaints for when we're alone.
  
  
• Simple kindness makes life better for both.
  We adjust and make allowances for our friends without getting upset. When we do the same for our husbands we bless their lives--and ours.
  
  
• It helps keep the spark alive between wife and husband when we make it "we" before "you" and "you before "me."
  Unless nurtured, marriage relationships can wither, even die. That means Mom and Dad's relationship comes before The Children, except during their infancy and/or emergencies.
  
  
• A life together built on shared faith in God helps a couple withstand life's storms.
  That faith provides a "why" to hang on and keep loving through whatever comes. If we're spiritually single, faith provides strength and comfort.
  
  
• Most of the time we get back what we give out.

Consider what I've written as what it is: truths learned during many years of marriage. Maybe something will prove useful to you. Anything to add?

Now please excuse me, it's time to turn off the computer . . .

Lenore

Reasons to love family dinners

Sometimes we lose sight of the best things in life and don't even realize it.

Like eating dinner together as a family, for instance.

Many people consider that an outdated relic of a simplistic past. I think it's more than that. Sharing a family meal symbolizes what we long for, a deeper connection with those we love.

Sure, it's quicker to stop for fast food or hit the drive-through, maybe eat in our cars. Some of us eat takeout in front of our laptop or TV. In a multitasking life it seems, well, natural. Besides, at the end of a hectic day who wants to cook and clean up? After all, this is 2012.

We save time, yes, but we may lose what matters more.

For once, TV models the good stuff

Maybe you're you a fan of the hit TV show, "Blue Bloods," as I am.

Writer David Hitbrand looked into what attracts this show's consistently large audience and identified what's my favorite part. Here's a quote from his piece in The Philadelphia Enquirer, November 20, 2011:

The sentimental majority opinion holds that it's the show's weekly dinner scene, during which four generations of Reagans -- presided over by the patriarch (Len Cariou) -- bicker, spar and celebrate one another.

"That scene is the favorite of so many people," says "Blue Bloods" executive producer, Leonard Goldberg. "Italian people, Jewish people, Greek people -- they all say the same thing: 'That's my family.' "

The Reagans do more than eat together

As they prepare the meal and work together, then sit down at their huge dining table, they depict a healthy family in action.

• They do a lot of one-on-one sharing in the kitchen.
• They begin their meals with thanking God for their food and often, for each other.
• They do "celebrate" each other. For any child or adult, there's something really sweet about having another family member praise us in front of the rest.
• They talk and listen to each other with respect, even when they disagree. Younger family members participate, too. Sometimes an adult corrects a youngster or offers a principle to remember.
• They leave the table reminded they are family, they are one.

Building family bonds in our own homes

I know a couple that early on resolved to eat their evening meal together and worked around a crazy schedule. Then as parents they wanted to stay tuned-in to how their children viewed their world. They started sharing daily "highs" and "lows" over dinner. Each one named their best and worst points of the day, in as much detail as they liked. Mom and Dad spoke their joys and concerns, too--with discretion.

These normal children sometimes protested and could be moody or quiet. "Some nights they'd say, 'recess' for both their high and their low," the father says with a smile. "We never tried to talk them out of it because they lived their day at school, not us.

"We learned to listen with more sensitive ears. Often it seemed nothing happened, but over time highs and lows proved a wonderful tool. When our children grew into adolescence they took over reminding us anytime we forgot. By then they understood the value of these built-in openings to share hurts and feelings.

"Along the way my wife and I gained insights into our children. Conversations became more meaningful and so did our our prayers. Without question this daily sharing strengthened the love and closeness within our family."

No skills training required

Getting your family on this new track may feel bumpy and awkward at first, so be patient. After awhile you'll find what works. To begin just gather everyone around your dinner table. Keep it fancy or plain, serve sandwiches or steak, your choice.

It helps to remember the goal is simply to establish a routine that helps draw your family closer. The resulting sense of connectedness can melt away a lot of strain.

(By the way, it works well for wives and husbands, too.)

Lenore

 

Calling all happy mamas--or wannabes

If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy.

That folk saying is uncomfortably true. Our moods affect our husbands and our chidren.

Years ago I heard humorist Sam Levenson tell of his childhood and I remember it still. It went something like this. "When I was a kid our family was dirt poor, but none of us kids knew it. We all thought we must be rich. Otherwise why would our parents laugh so much and why would all our friends want to come to our place?"

According to her son, Mama Levenson gets the credit.

Like it or not, we wives are the barometer of our homes

Our Creator wired male and female differently, but most of us would agree that's true. We gals usually are more emotional, the nurturers. Let's call that difference what it is: A blessing. A privilege. We are people of influence, which has nothing to do with getting a paycheck.

Whatever our personality strengths and weaknesses, real life calls us to do what needs to be done. To give what would bless the people we love. To be who we're called to be in the present moment, day after day, no matter what else we must do.

Looking for personal space

Even in the midst of busy, happy family life we can get stuck on needing "space to breathe." All we can think of is our "want to" list.

Count me in that number. I know how feeling sorry for ourselves can turn sunny days into gloom in no time. Then it was easy to believe I always ended up doing (I thought) the most and giving (I thought) the most.

One day I wailed my, "Why me?" and distinctly heard a voice asking me back, "Why not you?"

That left me speechless.

I took a long look at the facts of my life. By the grace of God a good man loved me--and put up with my many flaws. I truly loved and respected him. With four healthy kids, enough to eat and a safe place to live, I knew I was blessed and I did thank God.

So why would I allow myself to be dragged down by issues with no more substance than a gnat?

Getting back to center

Here's what I've learned and know for sure. You and I create the world we--and our families--inhabit.

Our children, at least in their early years when their lifeviews are being formed, read us and look at life through our eyes. We have it in our power to give them a great gift, the in-their-bones conviction that the world is a happy place. That God loves them and watches over them.

How do we handle the inevitable hard times? Here's what helped me. My outlook began to change the day I promised myself--and God--I absolutely would not give in to self-pity anymore. No matter what, I would act as if life was good.

In the beginning that felt almost dishonest.

Bible truths can fill in the empty spaces

In the early stage of my experiment I had no proof it would work. I looked for reinforcement and turned to the Bible. I found Paul's letters, like Ephesians and Galatians, a good place to start.

Some verses really spoke to my heart, as well as quotes from good books. I wanted to hang onto them, so I wrote them down. Today I dig through those old notebooks like a gold miner working her claim.

Verses like this helped me immensely:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. -- Colossians 3:12

(Do I need to tell you I'm still growing in this one?)

Trust me, when Mama lives happy, everyone is happier. Even Mama.

Your comments, please.

Psychiatry or the Gospel, which one brings mental health? One psychiatrist gives his opinion

The debate never ends.

Hasn't psychiatry replaced religion? How can the Bible, written so long ago, be relevant for today?

After years of medical practice n American psychiatrist named J. T. Fisher offers an opinion.

"If you were to take the sum total of all authoritative articles ever written by the most qualified of psychologists and psychiatrists on the subject of mental hygiene, if you were to combine them and refine them and cleave out the excess verbiage, if you were to take the whole of the meat and none of the parsley, and if you were to have these unadulterated bits of pure scientific knowledge concisely expressed by the most capable of living poets, you would have an awkward and an incomplete summary of the Sermon on the Mount. And it would suffer immeasurably through comparison.

"For nearly two thousand years the Christian world has been holding in its hands the complete answer to its restless and fruitless yearning. Here rests the blueprint for successful human life, with optimum mental health and contentment."

-- A Few Buttons Missing: The Case Book of a Psychiatrist, by J.T. Fisher, M. D., and L.S. Hawley

Obviously, Dr. Fisher likes long sentences.

If we follow the thread through his comments, we find he doesn't waffle, but speaks in definite terms. (Kind of rpreferred efreshing, don't you think?)

He refers to Jesus' words in Matthew 5:1 to 7:29, commonly known as the Sermon on the Mount. We know Jesus spoke the words, but the exact location remains uncertain. Many scholars think the crowds following him were seated on the gently sloping hillside at the northwest corner of the Sea of Galilee.

Read through these verses and you'll find many favorites, including The Lord's Prayer. Familiar phrases used by believers and non-believers are here, too, like, "salt of the earth" and "let your light shine."

So if the good Dr. Fisher were handing out a prescription for staying sane in the midst of the craziness, he might tell us to read a few verses every day and then spend time thinking about them. Anyone can fill this prescription and take this medicine, with or without medical insurance. You see, there is no co-pay. It's been paid for in advance, for every human being, for all time.

Here are a couple of verses that address what seems to be the universal mood right now:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? . . . Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? . . . Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. --Matthew 6:25, 27, 34

Let the debate rage on--and it will. All that matters is that each of us knows the One who spoke those words and offers us peace-in-the-midst.

Or as Dr. Fisher puts it, the One who holds out the answer to all our restless and fruitless yearning: Himself.

Now, here's a question for you: What are your favorite verses from the Sermon on the Mount? Why not share them in the Comments section?

Here's to filling our minds with the Good Stuff!

Lenore

(This post originally appeared July 15, 2010)

Top tip for stronger relationships: Examine your feedback

Maybe that sounds too simple. Or maybe it's that obvious.

Call it one of those "light bulb moments," at least for me. Successful businesses covet our good will, so they make us feel valued.

Isn't that what you and I want to feel in our personal lives?

What got me thinking about this stems from my recent online order for a couple of "used" electronic items from a major seller. Originally I specified "used, in good condition," then later did a rethink. I decided to amend my order and substitute the same item in "used, like new" condition." I knew that often means "open box" rather than used and returned, so the extra $20 would be well spent.

I called the seller's customer service, expecting another long, frustrating experience with a person who wouldn't understand what I was saying the first time around. Here's what I got instead.

• This representative listened attentively, with respect and courtesy. Without argument, he tried to accommodate my request, but at that point in the shipping process, he couldn't. He expressed his regrets that my call came too late in the process to make the change.
• Then he volunteered to call me the day after I received my order and check whether the original order turned out to be satisfactory.

I did not wait by the phone.

Surprise! "Kev" called when he said he would. When I reported the device did not function correctly and I needed to return it, he took action without being asked.

• He immediately Emailed me a pre-addressed, prepaid return address label for the defective device.
• When I assured him I wanted the same "like new" item I had requested earlier, he set up the order blank. All I had to do was fill in my charge card info after we hung up. "Kev" would check later to make sure my order went through okay.
• He specified one-day shipping--for free.

I was speechless.

The replacement product arrived as specified, even before the seller had time to receive the defective product I shipped back.

Obviously, this business grasps the importance of customer satisfaction because after each call I got a request for feedback.

Companies work hard to build relationships and good will. How about us?

Since then I've been asking myself, Do I let the people in my life know I value them?

It's fair to say, I think, that most of us would say "thank you" to a restaurant employee who refills our water glass. How often do we say it within our own families? A neighbor does a kindness like bringing in our garbage can when we're out for the day, but we don't bother to call or say thanks. A lonely aunt writes us and we "forget" to answer or call.

We assume the people who love us will help us out and love us the same, even if we take them for granted. But who among us wants to be taken for granted? Not me!

Someone said we all wear an invisible sign that reads, "Please tell me I matter."

Still, old habits are hard to break. Where will we find our motivation? As usual, Jesus said it best, this time in Luke 6:31, in what we call the Golden Rule:

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."

That's simple--and profound. To build a stronger marriage, a stronger family or a stronger friendship, we speak the love and show the love we want to receive.

Now there's a resolution that will challenge us, but the payoff is guaranteed.

I'd love to hear your stories!

Lenoere

Ready to step out into the unknown?

The beginning of a new year--any new beginning, really--feels a bit like stepping off a cliff.

Who knows what awaits us "out there?"

Every new situation brings a touch of uneasiness. Even if we think we've prepared for it, one question looms.

Will I be able to handle this?

All we can know for sure is that we haven't lived this year or this day before. Like explorers scouting new continents, day after day we'll travel through unknown territory.

Sure, we may stay in the same place, with the same people around us. But no human being is fixed and unchanging, like, say, a cardboard box. As long as we live and breathe, we're subject to change. So if you've been saying, "I suppose the future will just be more of the same," remember what Grandma used to say.

As long as there's life, there's hope.

Take time for the pause that makes sense of yesterday

It's worth taking time to reflect on where we've been. Snatch a little while out of the day to look back, either on your own or with your family. Replay the happy days and savor what was good. Let your heart be glad.

Let your heart be glad.

Ah, there's the rub. Even as Christians, some of us are afraid to feel good about anything in our lives, as if it might break some sort of spell. Some firmly believe they were born under a curse and refuse to think otherwise. If either description sounds too personal, it's worth asking why and tracing back to the source(s) of that mindset.

Even when we're consumed by loneliness, we are loved.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.    --Psalm 30:7

Sometimes looking back hurts

For all of us, some times were not so good.Perhaps it's been a year of pain, either from circumstances or from what others inflicted on us. We just want to forget.

It's more useful to resolve to not waste the hard stuff of life. Scrape off the bandagesyou plastered over your wounds and examine them. Uncover what you learned about yourself. Often you'll realize you displayed more inner strength than you previously knew you had. For just awhile, bask in your new awareness of that hard-earned inner stamina and thank God for His transforming power within you.

You say you blew it sometimes? We all do, simply because we're imperfect human beings. Beating up on ourselves just beats us down.

What helps most is to pray for courage to humbly ask forgiveness. It's never too late, truly. Whether the other person hears us is beyond our control. Make amends if it's possible to do so. Then give the whole bundle to God, knowing He can restore, even when broken relationships seem irretrievable. Knowing for sure that Jesus died for all our sins enables us to forgive others in the same way.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.          ---Colossians 3:13

Through every day and every experience, as we grow, our faith grows. All it takes is a teachable heart. Then life deepens our understanding of God, as we look for--and see--His hand in everything.

What we know about the future is that it remains always unknown. Oh, we know two more things, the most important. We are loved and we  will not walk through it alone.  

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.                                                                                        --Zephaniah 3:17

So, my friends, let's step off into tomorrow with excitement and with joy!

Lovingly,

Lenore