A Woman's View

Mother love that strengthens our children

You've probably seen that TV commercial of the mother and her college-bound daughter in the cell phone store.  

Both of them talk and weep at the same time, so their words get lost. Daughter tries to reassure her "Hover Mother" they won't be out-of-touch, while the (male) clerk remains mystified.                                                        

Google "hover mothers" or "helicopter parents" and you'll find pages of reading from all over on this hot topic

Hovering starts early

One account described parents who carefully choose a safe neighborhood near schools. Then they declare it's "too dangerous" for their children to walk or bicycle to school alone. They say, "I just want to be sure you're safe, Honey."

What would any normal child conclude? Life is scary.

Maybe that accounts for the twice-daily traffic jams In our quiet, low-crime community at the beginning and end of every school day. Sunshine or rain, cars line up for blocks along tree-lined streets. Watchful moms--and some dads--wait near the crossing guards, ready to walk their kids home. (Parents of middle- and high-school students wait down the street, as instructed.)

Good intentions may be misguided

Planting fear makes children feel powerless. 

Our call as loving parents is to help our kids grow strong within themselves.

Instead of hovering, we get our child ready for the "what ifs" of life. Talking it through and offering specific actions can produce courage and calm thinking, like youngsters in news stories who escaped harm by running away, screaming loudly or calling 911.

Somebody helped them be mentally prepared.

Love doesn't gallop to the rescue every time our child calls. Take the youngster with a habit of "forgetting" crucial homework or even lunch. No more lectures. No more temper. First comes a warning, then one rescue. After that Mom says, "Sorry, Sweetie. You're on your own. Talk to your teacher and see what you can work out."

Call it tough, or label it a taste of how the world works. A learning step toward being responsible.

We stay tuned, but from a distance. It's as if we hold up a sign that reads, "We believe in you!" If they stumble, we pick 'em up, give 'em a hug and encourage them to try again.

As Christian moms we want our child's long-term best. Working through situations like this on their own imparts the sense they can deal with whatever comes.

Our mission as parents is to love our kids and let them go

Teens and young adults learn to make wise decisions by (sometimes) making unwise decisions. We allow them to try--and sometimes fail--and learn.

Is this easy? No! Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing we've ever done. The near-hysterical mom in the cell phone commercial would be the type who delivers daily wake-up calls to her child's dorm room. (Yes, it happens.)

Moms feel separation anxiety, too. We look at the years we invested in protecting our child, wanting to make sure she grows up with only happy memories. We wonder how our beautiful children can get along on their own.

If not before, now's the time.

Setting our children free, ready and willing to live without us, bestows a love gift that keeps on giving.

Moms never stop praying

We love our children best when we leave "hovering" to the One who knows the end before the beginning. He never takes His watchful eyes off our loved ones and He knows what they need most. Our task is to keep on praying and trusting.

Here's a Bible verse to encourage us:

. . . The prayer of a righteous [mother} is powerful and effective.       --James 5:16  NIV  (If you don't feel "righteous enough," read Romans 3:22-24 and 5:19.)

Lovingly,

Lenore

 

 

If you're an imperfect mom, this one's for you

Welcome! You're among friends who understand each other. Comfortable? Good. Now, let's talk.

Take it from one who knows, children can survive imperfect parenting. 

I don't know about you, but I started off with the delusion that I would be a mom who did all the right things "right." I would be always smiling and sunny, always patient, always wise. Maybe every new mother cherishes that impossible dream.

Yet no matter how hard I tried, I kept "failing." I was like that duck in the cartoon, calm on the outside and paddling furiously underneath.

I remember those years as one long, unending prayer: "Lord, please help me." And day by day, sometimes moment by moment, we all got through those years together.

Too bad it took me so long to learn the most important word in a mom's vocabulary: Relax. It's an imperfect world and we're all imperfect moms and it's gonna be okay.

If I could have glimpsed the future 

I would have caught a peek at so much joy. Our family numbers eighteen now--and growing. Although separated by miles, we're close in heart.

Last spring we spent four days with seventeen of us in the same rented house away from town, cooking and eating all our meals together.For some it had been years, so we all got reacquainted, especially our grandchildren, now young adults.

Oh, did I mention we all have strong opinions? About everything?

That many people in the same house for a few days could be trouble, so my husband and I prayed beforehand for family harmony. Happily, it seemed everyone else wanted the same thing and peace reigned. Each one talked of their sense of belonging and what family meant to them. They still do.

Put simply, we enjoyed each other. Nearby tourist attractions beckoned, but nobody wanted to leave. It was nonstop laughter, talking and teasing. Mingling and pairing off. Hugging. My husband and I smiled so much our cheeks hurt.

An old formula for strong relationships still works

I've read a ton of books and articles about parenting. The common theme in so many boiled down to one basic principle: How we treat each other matters. That either draws people together or leaves deep hurts.

Hmm. Doesn't that sound remarkably like this teaching?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. --Luke 6:31

We're to look through the other person's eyes and treat each other with respect and kindness. Within the family it flows both ways between parents and children. Our actions and our words create the world we live in.

Respect builds a bridge to carry us through tense times when we don't feel loving.

That implies we accept each other's quirks, too. We do that with friends. Can't we do the same with family?

Love looks like that.

I fail, you fail, we all fail

So we give up the blaming and lay aside past stumbles. Instead, we fasten on verses of hope like these, God talking to His people in Isaiah 43:18-19:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! . . . I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.   

We're His people, too. God's "new thing"can heal and restore. Once it permeates our hearts and minds we'll give up dreaming of perfection and love our own as they are. Perhaps we'll even accept and forgive our imperfect selves.

Every day is mother's day, because being a mom is a privilege and a purpose. Besides, it keeps us growing. For life.

Here's to finding JOY in each day!

With love from your fellow learner,

Lenore

A lift for moms--and all of us

Sometimes tales from long ago refresh our hearts with hope and truth. This is one of those stories.

Once long ago a mother in the country we know as Algeria watched her brilliant 16-year old son walk out of her life.

Worse yet, he renounced the Christian faith in which she raised him. Nothing she said could change his mind.

She thought her heart would break.

Predictably, the young man took up with the wrong crowd and indulged himself in worldliness, even fathering an illegitimate child at age 18.

His mother, Monica, did what moms have done ever since Eve. She wept and prayed and prayed and wept.

For more than a decade young Augustine pursued the teachings of famous philosophers of the time in an effort to explore all things intellectual and thus achieve happiness.

Instead, he experienced recurring bouts of severe depression and grief.

His thirtieth birthday came and went and still he searched. Still his mother wept and prayed.

Finally he scraped bottom. One day he fell on his face in despair, sobbing, and cried out to God. Then it seemed he heard a child's voice chanting, "Take and read. Take and read."

He opened a Bible to Romans 13 and read verses 13-14. At once his heart was changed.

Augustine soon was was baptized and became a strong believer in Christ. Not so long after that, his mother Monica died, her heart at peace.

That same man, once the despair of his mother, wrote these timeless words

God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.

Thou hast created us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.

Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.

The years of pain and wandering worked spiritual depth in Augustine and it comes through in his writings.

He turned his superb mind to learning more about Jesus and pondering what faith meant and authored many books still treasured by believers. 

This story still speaks--to each of us, whatever our life situation 

Nuggets of truth leap out at us.

• Never give up! Not on anyone or any situation. You've heard me quote Jeremiah 32:27 before:

        "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

• If you're a mom, never doubt what your love and your faith are worth to your child.

Your tender, loving care of your children helps them grow into themselves. As you model faith, they notice, even when they seem oblivious.

We are called as moms to be faithful. To reach out, even when we're not sure anyone sees or hears. To make the first move, again and again and again. To keep on praying and yes, sometimes, to keep on shedding tears.

To never give up.

Our loving Father knows. He cares. And He uses all of it, all our pains and all our griefs. Within our children.

Within us.

God bless you with His strength and peace, my friends,

Lenore

What do we do with those old messages from childhood?

Not long ago a group of us were talking what makes us who we are.

One man said, "I'm an adult, I make my own decisions."

A woman said, "That's not as easy as it sounds. My mom used to freeze us out when we misbehaved. I I hated it, but once I had children, I found myself doing the same thing. I had to fight against going all cold and silent. Getting past those old patterns from childhood took me a lot of years and a lot of prayer."

Heads nodded all around the room.

Then another gal said, "I see that in my husband. He's just like his dad. Neither one of can turn off work and relax."

After that everyone in the room had a story of how their growing-up years influenced them as adults, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.

We leave imprints on our children, too

From the beginning we want to be good parents. We want our daughters and sons to grow up healthy and balanced, with sound values and faith that will carry them through.

The trouble is we're human. We slip up and give way to our feelings. Our frustrations spill over into everyday family life.

Without even trying, our kids pick up the best of us. And the worst of us.

What about all those "memorable messages" we think we're imparting? Here's what family counselors say. What influences our children most deeply is how we live and what we say all those "ordinary" times when we think they're paying no attention.

Parenting would be easier if we were rearing peas in a pod

God made each of our children (and each of us) one-of-a-kind. What we learned with Child A probably won't work as well with Child B. .

It helps to remember that God gave us each child, whether they came by birth, adoption or through marriage. Even if  we can't quite figure out one of them and another "drives us crazy."

What's more, He equips us to be the mom or dad who loves and helps shape these particular young individuals.

At the same time God stretches and shapes you and me, too, through them.

Viewing our parents through an adult perspective

It helps to take a fresh look and realize our mother and/or father dealt with stresses and problems we didn't see and couldn't have understood.

Our imperfect parents made mistakes, just as we do. They coped as well as they could manage. Loved their kids as well as they were able.

Don't we do the same?

You and I can count up all the ways our inadequate mom or dad hurt us and/or let us down and spend the rest of our lives nursing our pain.

Or we can sift out the good and give thanks, then pray our children will do the same for us.

So we walk on in faith

Anytime you think you're in over your head, remember who gifted you with each child. Remember who your children are--and who you are: 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. --Psalm 139:13-14

For we are God's workmanship, created in "Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. --Ephesians 2:10

Silence harmful old messages by calling verses like these to mind. Store them in your memory or write them down, so you're ready whenever old thinking creeps in. Whenever I feel shaky or uncertain I find it helpful to read or say Bible verses aloud.

Think of it as planting a new reality in your mind and heart.

Think of it as finding a way to forgive and move on.

Moms, did you know cinnamon could be dangerous?

We moms pray for our kids all their lives, that God would keep them safe. But have you ever prayed about cinnamon?

Yep. Turns out it has become a real danger for preteens and teens.        

Oh, it's not the cinnamon on a yummy breakfast roll or a piece of fragrant cinnamon toast that  causes problems. 

Rather, it's "the cinnamon challenge," which at first sounds silly and harmless, like many acttivities that catch on with adolescents.

This one goes beyond risky to extremely dangerous.

How could common, wonderful-smelling cinnamon be a hazard? Melissa Arca, M.D., laid out the facts in her Sacramento Bee article of April 10, 2012.

According to Dr. Arca, the cinnamon challenge amounts to a public dare--and what adolescent can resist a dare? That's part of the problem. The other part is it doesn't sound particularly hazardous, even to adults. What could be so bad about swallowing a simple tablespoon of dry cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything?

Here's the catch. Cinnamon cannot be dissolved by saliva alone.

Dr. Arca says once a person has that much dry cinnamon in their mouth and tries to swallow it, gagging and choking immediately follow. What's more, the choking usually leads to vomiting and sometimes, to aspirating cinnamon into the lungs. Lung collapse may follow, or pneumonia. Some who try it even end up on a ventilator. Kids with asthma are extremely vulnerable and could experience a severe attack.

She advises immediate medical intervention, which strikes me as an unrealistic statement. What kid would try this while their pediatrician--or parent--stands nearby?

Because Dr. Arca stated that poison control centers report a recent spike in calls about the cinnamon challenge, I checked the website of the American Association of Poison Control Centers.

They AAPCC issued a press release warning dated March 28, 2012. In it they explain that powdered or ground cinnamon quickly coats the mouth and throat, which interferes with swallowing . Breathing difficulty follows and teens may unintentionally breathe the spice into their lungs. This can cause pneumonia and/or a serious attack for asthmatics.

Social media takes it viral. Again 

Predictably, teens and preteens want to post "funny" videos of themselves or someone else attempting to pull it off on their cell phones or on YouTube.

That's why you can Google "the cinnamon challenge." It has its own website, Facebook page and Twitter handle.

Even Wikipedia lists "cinnamon challenge." That entry notes that cinnamon contains coumarin, a moderately toxic chemical compound. It also notes that European health agencies have warned against ingesting "large amounts" of cinnamon.

We might write this off as a fad, just more amusing antics of the young if it weren't life-threatening.

Building in strength to resist dares like these 

Most parents, grandparents and caregivers already warn youngsters over and over about the need to be cautious and careful. Every day in every way.

(As you've probably noticed, kids specialize in tuning out such lectures.)

It seems to me a more hellpful strategy is to aim our efforts at helping our kids develop inner strength--and the sooner, the better. That means talking to our children from little on about making good choices.  It helps if they see us living this out ourselves.

No way can we keep our kids in a cage, like exotic birds. They're growing up in the real world. Moms and dads need to equip them to live in it.

Teach them the line you probably heard from your mom:

It doesn't matter what someone else does or says, it's up to YOU to choose what you will do. 

It's as true now as ever.

Talk empowerment instead of restrictions

Especially during their adolescent years, youngsters ache to belong. Some habitually look around them to see what others are doing, then mimic it. Blame it on the desire to be popular or on fear of being left out. 

At any age, real strength and freedom come from within, from quietly knowing who we are and what we stand for. If our children have a faith background they'll have an advantage during adolescence. Christian kids learn early on about the difference between right and wrong. They also hear often that God loves and forgives them even when they mess up.  

Helping our kids establish and rely on their inner standards is like equipping them with inner armor. Knowing what's good and right and true gives them a sure path through the hazards that lurk all through these preteen and teen years.

Hazards like the cinnamon challenge, all the things youngsters will view as fun, nothing more.

Maybe that's why we keep on praying.

Blessings,

Lenore

Swap anxiety for Easter peace and then never let it go!

Take a nap, take a walk, take a pill, it's still there.

Blame it on anything or on nothing, it makes no difference. It's an indefinable sense that somehow we don't quite measure up. The feeling gnaws away at us and refuses to budge.

Peace is available . . . if we ask

Lasting peace and hope are as near as our breath, because everything changed that first Easter. That's when Jesus set things right between God and us.

Now all it costs us is believing the Good News of the Easter Gospel. We say something like, "Please forgive me, Lord, for my sins. I know I cannot live a perfect life, but I want to belong to you." We give him all our failures and mistakes and uncertainties.

Our loving Father answers, "What sins? My only Son paid your debt in full. My darling child, I love you."

It's as if God looks at us through one of those camera lenses that filters out the haze and sees his perfect Son.

The cross was God's way out for you and me

He sent his one and only son, Jesus, not just to live among us, but to suffer and be nailed to the cross and die. For you and me and all the world, because on our own we cannot meet God's standard for holiness.

Jesus died in our place, so we can live free from guilt and fear of punishment and hell.

As 2 Corinthians 5:21 states it: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

On that Friday we call, "good," Roman soldiers nailed God's Son to the cross and let him hang until he died.

His grieving followers and family watched with aching hearts as Jesus died an agonizing death and then his lifeless body was laid in the tomb.

We had nothing coming but punishment, yet God's gift to us is forgiveness, with no strings attached.

Jesus didn't stay dead!

Every week our pastor always asks during the children's message, "Did Jesus stay dead?"

The kids fairly shout, "No! He rose! He came back, alive!"

Over a period of days Jesus appeared to his followers and friends several times. He called them by name and spoke with them. He ate with them and they touched him. In Matthew 28:20, Jesus told them, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Later, while he was blessing them he was taken up into heaven. Even so, Jesus is with us. His Spirit lives in the heart of every believer, every minute of every day.

Impossible? It would be if Jesus were merely a great human teacher, as he's often described. But he is true God, and we cannot explain God, the unexplainable.

The youngsters at our church know that. So when our pastor asks, "And where does Jesus live now?" they answer, "In my heart!"

One more question from the pastor always follows. "So what happens to us when we die?" The children answer, "We get to live with Jesus in Heaven!"

That's why we celebrate Easter.  

We can swap anxiety for peace. For good.

Jesus living within us means we are never left alone to fear what comes next. Not even death, because we know that's not the end of our story, either.

It's only the beginning of the good stuff.

So take a deep breath and relax. Let yourself believe and feel the peace of being loved and accepted by God, without any ifs, ands or buts.

Now there's peace that lasts through whatever life may bring.

Easter Blessings, every day,

Lenore

Comments, please.

Note: You can read the eyewitness accounts of Jesus' last week on earth for yourself in the Bible. Turn to Matthew, chapter 21 to the end; Mark, chapter 11 to the end; Luke, chapter 19 to the end; John, chapter 12:12 to the end of the book.

How would you complete this sentence, "I would be happy IF . . . "?

Have you ever said anything like this?                     

    If only I meet the right man and fall in love, then all my dreams will come true. 

    If only we had better communication then our marriage would be perfect.

    If only we had a baby I know it would draw us closer. 

    If only I were a better mother . . .

    If only he were a better father . . .

    If only our kids went to better schools . . .

    If only my husband earned more money . . .

    If only we had a bigger/newer/nicer house in a better neighborhood, then life would be perfect.

    If only our children finish school and get good jobs and marry the right people then I can stop worrying about them.

    If only I knew all our family had salvation in Jesus Christ I could be at peace.

    If only I had the body I used to have . . .  

    If only growing older weren't so scary . . .

    If only . . . then . . .

    If only . . .

    If.

Each of us has a list of if onlys and they vary over a lifetime. I know from experience how easily they drag us down and make us discontented.

What about the here-and-now?

Mythical thinking keeps us dreaming of a place where everyone and everything is--or could be--perfect, as if we were princesses in a fairy tale.

Um, there ain't no such place.

And if we spend too much time in Make Believe Land we miss out on the sweet reality of our lives, like watching our children grow into themselves. (That doesn't end with their teenage years, by the way. It's a lifetime process.)

It's as if we put on blinders and don't see change and growth in our family members. When we don't even notice how they stretch and gain understanding, why should they keep trying?

Worst of all we overlook God's daily blessings to us, large and small, so we miss out on the joy and neglect to say, "Thank you, Lord."

Energy we invest into wishing goes missing from our family relationships and friendships.

If we want to change, we're on our own

Except we're not, of course. First comes our willingness, our choice to live in the now and to love in the now. What God said to the Israelites applies to us, too. From Deuteronomy 30:19:

I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.

Then we ask for help from the One who never takes His eyes off us.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.   --Psalm 46:1

When we feel overwhelmed by past failings, we turn to the One who makes all things new.

If anyone is in Christ he (or she) is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.   --2 Corinthians 5:17

If we wonder how to be "in Christ," we can find the answer in John 3:16 and 17. That's the starting place and the ending place.

Hope you don't mind, but I think of you readers as friends, even though we probably haven't met. Thanks for stopping by! I'd love to hear from you, so your comments, please.

Warmly,

Lenore

 

 

Looking at the up side of the down side

My husband and I came out of families that watched every cent. My parents joked about pinching every penny until it squealed. In my husband's family the theme was:

"Use it up, wear it out. Make it do or do without." 

As newlyweds we expected to do the same. With less. 

Now we look back and see how those years of pulling together strengthened the glue in our marriage bond.

That principle still works

Each of us, married or single, needs support.

Most of us can name a number of people we know who feel stuck in hard times. If there's any sunlight in this present down economy, perhaps it's this. Misery may not love company, but there's something comforting in not feeling so alone.

Recycling and "re-purposing" and shopping thrift stores are hot topics. Discount stores and dollar stores feature crowds. 

A lot of people share the same chummy boat.

Lowered expectations kept us from feeling sorry for ourselves

Our recently affluent society taught us all to consider what was billed as "the good life" to be the natural right of each one of us.

That delusion did no favors for anyone, especially when the economy turned shaky.

Perhaps now more than ever our family members and friends need from us what my husband and I got from the older-and-wiser people in our lives. They told us, "Give it some time. You're just starting out."

When disappointments came, somebody would come alongside and say, "Well, that's life. Be patient. Something will come along eventually, so keep on praying and trusting."

Sometimes we wanted to answer, "Oh, sure, easy for you to say."

Yet there they were, survivors, and that's what we wanted to be, too. So we took their words as hard-earned wisdom.

What mattered most, then as now, was that we were in it together

My husband and I started out with a big advantage. We loved each other and we both loved the Lord. That's what we built our life on.

Whatever came, we pulled together and tried to support each other. Along the way we picked up wisdom, too, and grew stronger, as individuals and as a married couple.

Those of us who've have lived awhile know the song in our hearts won't last if it depends on wealth or material possessions or even on "perfect" children.

Anything we can touch or hold in our hands can go poof! in an instant. As for perfect human beings, they have a distressing way of revealing occasional imperfections from time to time.

Call that a "trend" that won't go out of style.

Let's encourage each other

Life is easier to handle when someone tells us they care about us. Married couples can say it to each other and parents to their kids, whatever the age. Let's not stop there. What about the single person who doesn't have an on-site cheerleader?

Something as simple as, "I believe in you and I know God will get you through this," can lift a tired heart for days.

Even better, pass on a favorite Bible verse that encourages you. I like to underline verses in my Bible and I keep an informal list on the blank pages in the back, so it's ready when I need it.

Here are two of my favorite sections. Isaiah 40:27-31 promises that when we're weary the Lord will renew our strength. Jeremiah 29:11-13 tells us God has a plan for us, to give us a hope and a future.

Hope. This most valuable gift we can give costs us nothing. All it takes is that we turn our thoughts beyond ourselves. That we say to someone else the words we long to hear ourselves.

At the least we'll grow into an individual others like having around. And who knows? Perhaps we'll start a new trend.

Warmly,

Lenore

 

 

 

 

 

Let's throw off those tired old messages and forge our own way

Not long ago a group of us were discussing what drives us.

One man said, "I'm an adult and I make my own decisions, based on my own values."

The woman to his left said, "That's not as easy as it sounds. My mom used to freeze us out when we misbehaved and I hated it! But once I had children, I found myself doing the same thing and it was like I couldn't stop. I really had to fight myself not to go all cold and silent. Getting past that took me a long time and a lot of prayer."

Then another gal said, "I know now that my husband is just like his dad. Neither of them can turn off work at the end of the day."

After that everyone chimed in with their own story about childhood messages that still influence our lives.

One friend lifted everyone's spirits when she said, "Well, there were good things to pick up, too. My parents made lots of mistakes, but they were crazy about each other. My brother and I loved it that they laughed a lot. So did our friends. That's what sticks with me."

We leave imprints, too 

From the beginning we intend to bless our children's lives. We want our daughters and sons to grow up healthy and balanced, with sound values and faith that will carry them through. We aim to be the best mom or dad any kid ever had.

The trouble is we're human and nobody parents in a vacuum. 

Dealing with the non-parenting part of life often leaves us exhausted. We're too tired to listen enough or laugh enough, let alone be the wise and wonderful parent we imagined we would be.

While we're beating ourselves up over our failures, life goes on.

And as we rush here and there, trying to be all things to all people, our children are growing up.

Here's what I know now--and wish I'd known all along. Every child ever born, no matter where, no matter when, experiences good times and not-so-good times during their childhood years.

What a son or daughter remembers depends on them perhaps as much as on us.

As the friend who recalled laughing parents said, "Maybe that's what I choose to carry with me."

The past only looks easier because we're not living in it

Raising children is hard, anywhere, anytime. It always was. You and I weren't aware of all the pressures and challenges our parents had to deal with.

From today we look back and count up the ways our imperfect mom or dad failed us and nurse our pain. We may have told ourselves that's all ancient history, but if it were, thinking and talking about old hurts wouldn't arouse such strong feelings.

That's a clue this is a burden that drags us down. If we're ready to be free of it, the Apostle Paul lays out our how-tos, this time in Colossians 3:12-15.

. . . clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

It's comforting to remind ourselves we survived our flawed parenting. In fact, we may be stronger because of what we had to overcome.

Instead of stuffing down memories of childhood, let's sift out the good and thank God for it.

Then let's pray our children will do the same for us.

Your comments?

Blessings,

Lenore

 

 

What if we made "Accentuate the Positive" our theme song?

 I heard this old song on the radio the other day and it got me thinking.

How would it change our lives if we followed its prescription? We could start with these five phrases:

• Accentuate the positive
• Eliminate the negative
• Latch on to the affirmative
• Spread joy up to the maximum
• Bring gloom down to the minimum

Johnny Mercer wrote that song in 1944. Americans were bone-weary of World War II. With its snappy rhythms and happy lyrics, this song quickly proved a great morale-booster.

The right words could do the same for us

A lot of us are bone-weary of one thing or another. Sometimes hope is in short supply. We worry about our kids and we worry about jobs and what will happen next.

Each of us could make a list of what keeps us churning.

Suppose we fastened on what's good and refused to give in to gloom.

• Instead of listing the minuses in our husbands' we could just as easily count up their pluses.
• Rather than ragging on our children over poor grades in school, what if we pointed out qualities of temperament or character we admire.
• If money is tight we might add up what we are able to do with the money available. (Hint: Include cost-free delights, too.)
• Maybe we spot another new bulge or wrinkle and want to moan. Or we could look at eyes that see. Arms and hands that function as they should. Legs that still carry us around. Etc. That's quite a lot to be thankful for.

We choose what we emphasize

Even in a changing world, old truths still hold, like this one: "Women are the heart of the home."

Having everyone depend on us can feel like a burden. Or we can regard it as the privilege it is.

Moms, for instance, are the mirror through which our children view life and adopt a perspective. Happy moms make for happy kids who feel optimistic about life--and themselves.

Wives and husbands, employed or not, help each other feel they're worth something. No matter how bad the day has been, if they greet each other with smiles and feel appreciated, all the bad stuff fades into the background. Good friends do that, too.

Even if we live alone, we set the tone for our lives.

What do we do when we're empty?

We all have those times when we run on Empty and have nothing left to give. A refueling is in order.

That's when I go back to verses like these.

• By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me--a prayer to the God of my life.                                                                    --Psalm 41:42
• God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.                                                                               --Psalm 46:1-2
• I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.                                                                                --Psalm 4:8

If you're a regular reader--and if you are, thank you!--you may wonder why I so often write about our thoughts. I suspect it's because this is one of my weaknesses. Getting "down" takes no effort at all.

Staying optimistic does.

I've learned to be watchful over my moods and to deliberately pick out what's good in my life, then thank God for it.

You might say I try to "Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive."

Q: What's your strategy? I'd love to know.

Blessings,

Lenore